Lifestyle

LA Affairs: Online dating worked for me — young at age 75

Immediately after I turned 70, my husband, nearly 50 years old, died as a result of a major stroke 13 months ago. Our marriage was full of rocks. I asked for divorce twice, but I counseled each time and stayed with them. I’m glad we did because I was able to be his part-time caregiver during his illness.

For weeks and months after he died, I concentrated on spending time with my friends, taking classes (appreciating opera and art history, movies as literature), spending time with my daughter and her family. Enjoyed the two grandchildren. Initially that was enough. It took me about two years to feel that I wanted to have a male relationship again. I didn’t want to remarry or live with anyone else. I was happy with my freedom and independence, and the many activities I started to engage in.

I just wanted a “profitable friend”.

I joined Match.com after joining Jdate. I did that through some day’s experience that could justify their own sitcom (or “how-to” handbook).

Obviously, one man just wanted someone to invest in his new business. I got up and got out of the lunch I was eating at Laguna Beach’s Las Brisas.

Another date talked endlessly about his “metamorphic” sex life. He was sitting on my couch when he asked me if I liked being tied up and blindfolded. (These things didn’t upset me as much as the fact that we were just starting a date and didn’t even have an intimate relationship. It was premature for such a story.) I leave him I asked for.

I dated most of the fixes-the one who came to replace the faucet in my kitchen. He dragged me for a while and finally admitted that he was married. I showed him the door and then hired someone else to do the rest of my condo work.

I had great expectations for others. I had my first date on New Year’s Day 2020. I’ve been dating for a few months, but 19 times I met at COVID, I couldn’t enjoy entertainment such as movies and restaurants, so I realized his “uniqueness”. Was actually a big mistake in his character. (He was bored. He didn’t vote, he didn’t care much about politics, and I had to make all the plans. He didn’t suggest anything.)

After all, a few months after the shutdown, I broke up with him. I had no regrets. I didn’t want that few relationships. I was happy to be alone again. I removed my profile from these two dating sites and spent the rest of the year without having to meet anyone else.

However, as pandemic precautions were gradually lifted earlier this year, I took the opportunity to join more than 50 sets of dating sites called Silver Singles. I posted some new photos of myself and wrote what I thought was a good profile.

Two residents who live in the same senior community as me answered. I went out with each of them once. The first one had no sparks. I planned another date with the second gentleman, but found out that he had a problem “keeping in touch” between dates. He had never sent a phone call, text message, or email after our first date, so it was supposed to be eight days before our upcoming second date. When I sent him a text asking why he didn’t contact me, he said he believed only in face-to-face conversations. I told him that our second date would be like the first date again because we weren’t advanced to know each other.

I decided to break that second date.

By this time I had enough. I ended up with an online date. But the day I last tried to delete my account, I found a new profile waiting for me. His name was Mark. He seemed to have a sparkle in his eyes. His smile was boyish, wide and natural.

In his profile, he mentioned the one that matched what I was looking for in a relationship. Much of his interest reflects my own interests. We both enjoyed plants and gardening and went out in nature. He obeyed politics. that too. I sent him a message. In less than 20 minutes, I got a nice reply. In the next few days and weeks, we learned that we have a lot in common. At some point we lived close to each other in Los Angeles. We were also able to speak frankly about losing our partner after a long marriage (he divorced). When he said he hadn’t been biking for years, he also taught me how to enjoy cycling. His sense of humor overflowed in his words. I was fascinated by him as he was with me.

Eventually, we planned our first date. I invited him for a walk around Aliso Creek in South Orange County. When we finally met, we immediately turned our arms around each other and hugged each other, without shyness or hesitation.

I was only planning a walk that morning, but I ended up having lunch together and talking for hours. Everything was clicked. By the end of that first date, we knew something special had begun. We were on the fast path to falling in love.

This all happened a little over eight months ago. We agreed that at our age, if we have a good connection, we should accept it and accept every moment we come.

He is remodeling a new home and I have always been invited to help him choose lighting fixtures, sinks, faucets and more. The Home Depot has never been such a romantic place. No candles needed. While looking up at the ceiling fan that can be purchased, while walking down the toilet aisle, holding hands and kissing …

At the age of 75, I spend time in my life regaining and receiving love.

The author writes a monthly column in Globe, a local newspaper in the retired community of Laguna Woods Village, and writes many poems and short stories.

LA Affairs records the quest for romantic love in all of the glorious expressions in the LA region. We want to hear your true story. You will pay $ 300 for a published essay. Send an email to LAAffairs@latimes.com. The submission guidelines are here. You can find past columns here.



LA Affairs: Online dating worked for me — young at age 75

Source link LA Affairs: Online dating worked for me — young at age 75

Back to top button