LA Affairs: On the third day, I stopped potentially breaking contracts.I am bipolar

By the time I was 49, I hadn’t been dating for 10 years. Dating was not a priority as a divorced single mother is raising her son. But soon it’s time to get back there and meet someone on a dating app. Ryan, my young “neighbor’s husband,” burned out by repairing everything around my house. He was keen on throwing batons at the permanent honeyder.

I had a reason to be careful. Santa Barbara has advantages such as the sea and mountains, but this dating pond has been found to have slim picking.

I settled on Bumble, OKCupid, and reluctantly Tinder. I thought it had a good reputation as a hookup app, but Ryan explained that it used to be, and now it’s just like any other app. “It could be completely relevant,” he said. Ryan gave me some advice on how to say my profile, so I liked it.

He encouraged me to write something a little sexy, but not much. Well, it sat like an uncuited biscuit in my stomach. Hard path.

In a hurry with my contempt, Ryan decided to focus on my photography. “No one is reading bio anyway,” he said. Yeah, well, I read all the words in these careers.

I’m a visual person, so when I saw Brian’s picture, I was stopped on my truck, but I met her prince in a Disney-like way, not Cinderella. Brian looked like a young Eddie Vedder, the lead singer of Pearl Jam. I made the first move (because I’m a go getter) and we sent back and forth messages with the first rough question about work, school, and hometown. Soon we moved on to text messages, phone calls, and occasional video chat. Unlike me, Brian was painfully shy, but I didn’t care because he seduced me with a Texas droll. It was like a mixture of warm honey and a steel guitar. He said I sounded like warm milk and cookies. Brian was seven years younger, but he was like a house.

On paper, perhaps, and for outsiders, we were away from the world.

I have two degrees while Brian earns his stripes in continuing school. (He’s smarter than most of my friends with a PhD. He was more interested in skateboarding than homework.) I’m an entrepreneur and he’s driving FedEx. I sit and zoom with my clients all day and do my best to fit my workouts. He gets 10K steps a day within the first few hours of work and is incredible without even trying.

As my friend in his 60s said, there was only one thing that was important.

“Did he be patient and kind?” Yes, yes.

Brian and I haven’t met in person for months because of the quarantine protocol and because his dad is considered a vulnerable population. Brian told me a touching story about his father with dementia. There was something sweet and real in his rhythm, and his words had empathy, kindness, and patience.

These were the second and most important ones around the block.

When we finally met, it was for a batting cage and taco date. Something was clicked that day. Within a month of the meeting, we spent every weekend together.

But this is how I found out he was alone, just after our third date. I was cleaning up the breakfast table when I told him there was something big to share with him. No, I wasn’t pregnant. I was bipolar. And he was holding my hand as I explained my medical history, including five hospitalizations, before I proceeded.

He kept holding my hand and lovingly smiled at me while speaking the words I was convinced that everyone would run up to the hill.

My therapist helped me understand that Day 3 will be a polite time to inform men about my mental health. It was fair. As they say, I have a lot. However, Brian was a close relative of schizophrenia and was basically looking at everything. He wasn’t in a hurry at all for my words.

Tell me what to do, he told me. I am here for you.

I sighed with relief.Now i I knew that I was at home.

Nine months after our relationship, I became a big 5-0. Three weeks later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just as things resumed in the midst of a pandemic, and just as things began to return to “normal,” I was navigating chemotherapy and partial mastectomy.

Our relationship has been tested over and over again. I have been my worst version thousands of times. I had the darkest days, days with some suicidal ideation, but I’m past them so I can only talk now. Cancer is not a joke in terms of emotional depth.

Brian was on my side through my gun slogan. (It’s not a “journey,” because when people use the word, I want to hit them in the face.)

The months since my diagnosis have never been so easy. We fought, wept, held hands, and through which he told me he wanted to marry me. myself. He wants to marry me even though I had the hardest time around.

He says he knows I’m not always who I am.

And he says he somehow knows that this cancer won’t last forever.

The author is an organizational coach in Santa Barbara. Her website is and is on Instagram @ thoughtfulorganizing.

LA Affairs records a romantic quest for love in all of its glorious expressions in the LA region. We want to hear your true story. You will pay $ 300 for the published essay. Email The submission guidelines are here.

LA Affairs: On the third day, I stopped potentially breaking contracts.I am bipolar

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