Mike’s New and Improved Method of Madness

If you know anything about employee drug testing, you know that there are employees who are addicted or who use drugs habitually that are always looking for a way to get over on their employers. The reason, of course, is because they don’t want to test positive on a company drug test. However, they don’t want to stop using drugs long enough to pass it naturally either.

There are some instances when a drug test is performed without prior notice, as in a post-accident drug test for instance. If someone is going to apply for a job with a drug-free company yet aren’t able to refrain from using drugs long enough to clear out your system, odds are they suffer with an addiction.

If you search the internet you can discover a myriad of products that proclaim you won’t test positive if you purchase their product. You can also find a host of “home remedies” that supposedly do the trick.

The hair test was invented decades ago but because of controversy surrounding it about it’s reliability, it has been the least used and, therefore, most expensive. Employers tended to shy away from it from the cost perspective alone..

The debate—which is whether or not specific groups of people are put at higher risk of obtaining a false positive—as to whether or not the test is reliable rages on. However, employers are beginning to make their own decisions on the matter in larger numbers. In fact, back in 2012 it began being reported that trucking companies were taking on the added expense of performing a hair analysis on their drivers in addition to the DOT urinalysis drug test.

So, of course, the internet began to flood with sure fire methods of beating the test and producing a false negative result. One of those methods has been around since 1999 though. It’s called Mike’s Macujo Method.

It was a home remedy that  involved quite a detailed process that had to be repeated numerous times to be effective. But, anyone with a grain of sense would surely have wondered whether or not they’d be allowing a technician to snip a small section of hair or if they’d show up nearly bald holding a specimen in their hand when they arrived at the testing site.

Here’s why.

Mike’s Original Macujo Method

The first step in passing a hair follicle drug test was to stop using drugs days before the test. That makes sense but its not going to make a difference because once drug metabolites are deposited in the hair, they’re there forever. Hair grows at the rate of about ½ inch a month and the specimen used for drug testing is 1 ½ inches long. Therefore,  unless you are not taking a hair test for about 90 days, not using has no bearing on the result at all.

The process itself began by wetting your hair with warm water and applying Heinz vinegar—specifically Heinz using another might account for a positive result. The instructions stipulate adding “Clean and Clear Pink Clean” directly to the hair without washing out the vinegar first. The participant was warned that this substance could irritate the scalp and face because one of the main ingredients in it is salicylic acid. Still, it must be that specific product.

The next step was to wrap the hair in a towel, mainly to avoid contact between the salicylic acid and the skin. After 30 minutes, the hair was to be washed with Nexxus aloe rid shampoo. Lastly, the hair was to be dried at the highest heat level possible. The process had to be repeated daily with the final application being the morning of the drug test if possible.

Did it make you go “hmmm?”

Mike’s method only proclaimed to be 70% effective and we think we may know why.

The first thing that the drug abuser was supposed to do was to stop using. Many drugs don’t remain in the system for a very long period of time after stopping use. So, not using puts many of them in the clear naturally. However, the drugs that stay in the system for longer periods of time, such as marijuana for example, meant the user would most likely test positive.

Remember, that the hair test wasn’t widely used back when Mike came up with his questionable method for beating this type of drug test. The 70% of people who proclaimed success could well have been those whose drug preference was one that exited the body quickly. Right?

It’s new and improved now though

Now Mike proclaims that he has totally perfected his process. He has a new method that involves ingredients from the home such as good old Heinze vinegar, Tide laundry detergent, and Arm & Hammer baking soda. There are still two specific products that you need to purchase though. The Clean and Clear Pink Clean and—are you ready? Mike’s own shampoo, Macujo Aloe Rid Shampoo which is available online.

There’s a specific number of times that the hair needs to be washed as well. Here’s the breakdown:

• Daily THC users: A minimum of 10 times, but 18 may be better
• Opiates: A minimum of 10 times, but 20 times may be better
• Cocaine, meth or ecstatsy: 1or 2 times a day for atleast 10 days if any of these drugs were taken more than 4 times in the last month

However, there’s no way to rid the hair of toxins, such as drug metabolites, because once they are deposited in the hair follicle, they actually fuse with the hair as it grows out. That’s right. It becomes a part of the hair itself.

The best this product could hope for is to mask the drugs in some way… frying your hair to the point of breakage might be enough to do the trick, but only if you wind up bald, we’d imagine.

The long and short of it

The only way to be sure of passing a drug test is to not use drugs.

Making dishonest attempts isn’t going to help anyone in the long run. Habitual drug use becomes apparent to others eventually. When it’s in a work environment, companies who participate in a drug-free workplace program have Reasonable Suspicion policies in place that allow them to require a drug test if symptoms and suspicions are well documented beforehand.

Seeking help to stop drug use is the best case scenario. Living a drug-free life is the option that everyone should choose. Perhaps obtaining a positive result after an employee drug test is performed will be a catalyst to do so. If not, the fact that drug abuse caused them to lose their job might.

We hope so.